Tag Archives: if you seek amy

feeling stale. going to reinvent myself as some form of trendy reflux.

reflux is in y’ulle! i know because i read a book by kreative missionary visionary dion chang and the title is trend flux 2009. so get stuffing your white rolls from woolies and your burgers and your strawberry pavlova (hey, not really sure what causes reflux as have never been pregnant before, but being pregnant is another trend – set by MIA / Gwen Stefani / Nicole Richie (choose your own psychographic role model, am not phased) – so expect an increase in ‘girls 4getting to take their pill oops’ – and ‘miracle pregnancies’ – “i WAS taking my pill! i promise!” and “fuck i got so drunk last night at Assembly that i forgot to take my pill“).

I went off my pill because it gives me cramps and its not natural. I am going to go drink at Gandalfs and then have sex with my friend and then masturbate after, just to really give those sperm a chance.

"I went off my pill because it gives me cramps and it's not natural. I am going to go drink at Gandalf's and then have sex with my random, lonely-as-me guy friend, and then masturbate after, just to really give those sperm a chance."

should i get pregnant? should i go off the pill because ‘it’s unnatural‘ and it ‘makes me bloated’ and ‘it makes me moody and fills my face with pimples’, even though it’s 2k9 now and yasmin was invented 10 years ago, so we all know girls who go off the pill are doing so only because they find the risk of getting pregnant when they have sex with their boyfriends / their best friends / their classmates at AFDA a turn on.

I cant come unless theres a possibility of me getting pregnant. - M.I.A? maybe Anon.

"I can't come unless there's a possibility of me getting pregnant." - M.I.A? maybe Anon.

has the possibility of getting pregnant ever turned you on? wish i could get pregnant and then donate the baby to a good cause. not sure if there are any good causes that need healthy babies. maybe someone should start a Replacement Workforce For All Those People Who Have Died And Will Die Of AIDS just so Telkom has someone to employ to throw a cog in their generator that they can blame when we exceed our power capacity in 20 years time.

********************************************************Got a bit off topic there********************************************

Back to Reflux and other things that will be hot in 2k9 (note i didn’t get these from the trend reflux book by Dion Change, i just got them off some arb website but it doesn’t matter because all trends came from the same arb mothership website):

Being classy. “Classism is the new racism”. Does this give me license to discriminate? Just want to be ‘trendy’ y’ulle. Just want ppl to know i am better than them through my ‘social badging‘ or my ‘exclusive knowledge of how brandy is made’. Apparently knowledge about products is the new social currency. Am going to google Apple just now and learn everything there is to know about Steve Jobs so i can make my friends feel bad about themselves.

Apple was invented in 70 BC as an alternative to the slabs that Moses wrote the 10 Commodors on, but there wasnt a market until 2 000 years later.

Fact #1: Apple was invented in 70 BC as an alternative to the slabs of stone that Moses wrote the 10 Commodores on, but there wasn't a market until 2 000 years later.

the 90s. the 90s is the new 80s. this would explain all the Kurt Cobain Converse floating around my mall home. yes, i live in a mall, y’ulle. malls are like the new ‘gated communities’ or ‘security complexes’. wonder what i can steal from the 90s to incorporate into my personal brand. shortlist: having ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ as my ringtone; wearing blue lipstick and humming ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ round the office; trading my black car in for a blue one and pumping ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ from the subwoofers. which one do y’ulle think best enhances my PB?

twitter goes mainstream. uh-ohs. this means an increase in ppl twittering about how drunk they got last night / how crazy last night was / what a f*cked up time they had last night / how they 4got to take their pill last night / how they are really enjoying ‘Through the Storm’ by Lynne Spears. quick, time to evacuate twitter. tell all your trendleader / thought pioneering friends. this ship is sinking. if you are mainstream, quick, sign up for twitter while humming ‘I will go down with this ship’ by 90s star Dido.

Tweep recovering from a hangover from her night at Assembly, wondering if shes pregnant.

Tweep recovering from a hangover from her night at Assembly, wondering if she's pregnant.

big government will be cool. guess we all have Obamalove to thank for this. wish we had an Obamalove. just so y’ulle don’t think i’ve given up the cause, i’m still emailing Kanye West trying to convince him to come and be President of SouthAfricanland as his next piece of ‘high art’. not sure whether this trend applies in safricanland. especially since the ruling party keeps smacktalking its own president. sigh. I wish America would buy us and then everything would be okay. not likely in these harsh economic times.

other arb things i think will be in (note: these are my hypotheses and do not come off some arb website):

– being a trendwatcher / trend guru / trend collaborator / trend consultant / marketing consultant / web2.0 consultant / iPhone 2.0 consultant. Basically if you can’t hack it in the real world, pick any one of the titles above and start a blog and you’ll be a- for away.

suicide. just coz money doesn’t matter any more. like queen said, nothing really matters, to me.

adopting a web celeb for your brand. feeding them. treating them to VIP consumer experiences. and then watching them blog about your brand. feels good, doesn’t it? tamagotchi 2.0.

falling pregnant ‘accidentally’. because of the rise of organic, females in their mid-twenties who have not yet completed degrees or found jobs will choose this option because they think it will give them more options. outwardly, they will say they have issues putting hormones into their bodies because it is ‘unnatural’ and non-organic. time for phramaceuticals to go organic.

britney spears. like she says, all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F-U-C-K her (track 6, Circus). Parting thought:

All i wanna do is xxxx and xxx and take your monay.

Sing with me: "All i wanna do is xxxx and xxx and take your monay."

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why is vodacom’s Summer Loving ad such a success?

All the boys and all the girls want to If You Seek Amy.

"All the boys and all the girls want to If You Seek Amy."

because deep down inside, every woman wishes she was Sandy, and every guy wishes he was the character that John Travolta played. Danny? deep stuff. consumer insight 101. makes me want to reconsider what strategy means to me. sometimes i think strategy – a process put in place to safeguard a brand’s image – can inflict some sort of body dysmorphia on the brand it’s supposed to be working for.

i’ll bet the vodacom meerkat was right on strategy, even though it destroyed a nation’s hopes and dreams, stole our collective democratic innocence and obliterated our basic understanding of what separates right from wrong. sometimes i think we should do a little less thinking and building of complicated charts and do a little more feeling. a little more basic observations. a little more ‘duh’.

How to tell if you’re in control of strategy ie. strategy is not in control of you:

Place the word ‘duh’ behind your observations / positioning statements / SWAT analyses / consumer promise. if the sentence makes sense, then you’re in control of strategy, not the other way round. for example:

Statement 1: Everyone wants to be Sandy and Danny in Grease. Duh. Brilliant. Makes complete sense.

Statement 2: Consumers do not know what they need until you tell them they need it to assauge their lack of brand alignment with target focus of the specified demographic that the product fulfills like no other. Duh. Makes no sense at all.

You could hide the lack of sense making in a strategic diagram or chart. This is a dark art. Does anyone know who the hippest strat chart producer is at the moment? Success of your chart depends very much on whether your powerpoint producer is flavour of the month. my advice to you would be to insist on working with ‘the Timbaland of .ppt’ and accept no less. there is no point in compromising when it comes to charts. you’ve got to ask yourself whether you want to play in the big leagues or not.

Does this make you feel alive? Blame it on the boogie.

Does this make you feel alive? Blame it on the boogie.

CiBiPi - i think ive found the name for my new electro label.

CiBiPi - i think i've found the name for my new electro label.

My brain is round and swirly like a shell. I am smart, you should do everything i tell you to do.

My brain is round and swirly like a shell. I am smart, you should do everything i tell you to do.

I have used a lot of green because i love animals.

I have used a lot of green because i love animals.

This last chart contains the secrets to the universe. Do not let it get into the hands of those who cannot control their powers ie. Sylar.

This last chart contains the secrets to the universe. Don't show Sylar.

wow. totally got distracted by some riveting charts. i was thinking of blowing a few of these up to A2 and getting them block mounted in my house. anyway, well done to whomever made the decisions on Summer Loving. that police lady shaking her boobies was the best thing to happen to my TV since i stopped watching TV way back in the late nineties.