Tag Archives: my branded life

Psychographic profile: I am teh ghost of a dead blog

I am the ghost of a dead blog
booooo
did i scare u?
hope so. y’all woke me up from ‘the dreamless sleep’.
am pissed y’all. what do y’all think i died 4???
just want 2 die.
tired of bein ‘zany ‘n smart’.
is fun, but like, ‘u can’t be cool 4eva’ +
‘cool doesn’t pay da billz’ +
‘enjoy urself, take only what you need from it’
etc.
was kinda enjoying being dead.
is real peaceful.
no 1 to get all up in my facebook
no 3G here in hell


don’t hav 2 maintain ur personal brand (via being on fire all the time)
plus satan kinda keeeeeeeewl.
but now i went andgot all resurrected
by a reputable publication with a ‘niche-but-influential and educated readership’
(kinda wish it was heat magazine but whatevs)

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
boooOOOOOoooooo
gonna rattle my alexander mcqueen chain bags at u
keeping u up in the dark night of ur blog
feeling kinda vengeful
since when i was still alive
ppl were like, u r stupid
now i’m dead, ppl are like, u  were so like, clevs
“the blog artist’s value is only recognised posthumounguously”
isn’t it typical

“it’s like that, and that’s the way it is” – run dmc

don’t worry – not very vengeful. just l’il bit.
just gonna make ur light bulbs flicker some.
not gonna go polty on you. boooOOOOoo.

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
woke up coz i rolled in my grave
kinda just feel like we need to talk about ‘letting go’


did y’all get pissed at MJ when Thriller the song ends?
Do y’all get pissed when the movie u hired is finished?
stupid f-ing movie! u came to an end!

This is a meme joke. Do u get it?

did y’all get pissed at JK Rowling when she finished Harry Potter?
(ok so bad example. f-u JK. you got me hooked.)
NEwayz just trying to help you let go

This is a pooooOOOooetry joke. Do u get it?

boooOOOOOoooooooo

I am the ghost of a dead blog
was ‘summoned by the oujja board of journalistic truthful objective unbiased integritay’
never imagined dis blowgn thang would ‘get all intellectualised’
just wanted to be awesome y’ulz.
never dreamed my personal brand would have such ‘residual value attached to its key branding paradigm pillars of differentiation’.
kinda emotional about it.
(via wishing i was still dead)
there is only one feeling in hell (being burned)
sad, was just betterin my table tennis scores
was just getting 2 know satan (miss u bro. next time i see you PING PONG IS ON LIKE KING KONG!)

I am the ghost of a dead blog.
Gonna go ‘back 2 bed now’.
it was ‘nice chatting’.
off you go now to the new blog.
know that i am always with you.
am there in the new blog
though u cannot always see me.
if u look carefully, i am there.


am just ‘talking in a different accent’.
am just ‘trying on some new blogshoes’.
just ‘exploring a new personal sub-brand’.
da holding company stays da same. 4evs y’all. pinkie swear.

miss y’ulz.
love y’ulz.
h8 y’ulz.
ditto.


Twitter Imposter

Just so y’all know, my old Twitter account (MyBrandedLifeTM) has been hijacked! So if you see someone tweeting at MBLTM, it’s not me. I am now @CapeTown_Girl. And that’s that.


the new project: Cape Town Girl

Go check it out y’all! Still early days but whatevs! Is ‘just the beginning’.

y’all, this is it.

This is it y’all.


Y’all is time 4 me to ‘hit the proverbial demerol’ via some shady docbro and ‘accidentally commit suicide’ via intentionally ‘leaving this world’ and ‘quitting the game while i am ahead’ so my ‘legend can live on’ and i don’t get ‘old and ugly’, like MJ. Miss you MJ. Some people have emailed me 2 say ‘WTF is happening with ur blog’ and ‘U R not srs R u?’ and ‘do u rly rly read Marian Keyes? F U penguin’.  Y’ulz, don’t stress. This is not ‘goodbye 4 eva’. Just facing up 2 the fact that ‘i have changed’ and ‘things have changed’ and as a ‘cre8ive person’ i am ‘too zany 2 do something too specific 4 too long’ (via ADD).

Have ‘taken my learnings into account’ and have ‘cre8ed a new vision’, one with ‘space 2 let me grow’ and ‘realise my potential’. NEwayz. Gonna miss some things so much, like making interns cry. And being in love with ideas. And reminiscing bout bein an ad student. Y’ulz just gotta know that these things will ‘live on’ via this blog and via my new blog identity. I think. Kinda  ‘not rly sure’. But app ‘life is a rollercoaster jus gotta ride it’.

See y’ulz monday, ‘all shiney & new’. So long & thanks 4 all the RT’s.

MBLTM


MyBrandedRetrospective part 2

Ah Y’ulz. All teary-eyed this morning. Was remembering that one time, at Brand Camp. Miss y’ulz. Kinda reminds me of when Jupies sold out to WPP which made me first considerselling my personal brand’. And now I have actually gone and sold my PB – 2 think that it was ‘once just a dream’. Just not gonna tell y’ulz who ‘who the new shareholders of MBLTM trading as something else’ are 4 fear of being ‘ripped off by a sarky brat ad blogger’. Wonder if I will maintain my ‘quality of humour’, or if ‘going commercial’ will ‘water me down’ to something ‘lots of ppl like’, like a Citi Golf. Which reminds me of when i wanted 2sue my parents 4 not buying me a citi golf’. Well what do they expect. Poeses. Gonna complain about it on my GBuzz (the zazzy new program that is like ‘what Googlewave was s’posed 2 be’). Remember Googlewave? And how you ‘needed an invite 2 use it’ when rly ‘you needed a degree in GoogleHype 2 use it’. Ah y’ulz. Y’alls faces gettin’ wet yet? So wet y’ulz. Wet 4 you.


MyBrandedRetrospective part 1

Y’ulz getting all nostalgic about all the good times we’ve had here together. Now that MBLTM is ‘coming to a close’ via ‘transforming into a new blog’, I feel it’s only appropriate to run y’all through some of the good times, and some of the bad times. Like that time when I wrote about ATL vs BTL and some ATL people I work with ‘told on me to our boss’ because they ‘are whiney l’il b*tches felt offended’ and i got ‘called in for being naughty’ and was prompted to ‘consider taking our personality insurance’ – true story. Good times!

And that time those 9-year-olds ganged up on me and ‘called my radio ads stupid’. Bad times but also good times, really. And that time I made a break-through in ‘learning 2 speak Client Service’ which was invaluable 2 my career. Ah y’all, I’m gonna miss y’alls. Srsly. Gonna miss y’alls crazy letters, like the one letter where I was enlightened that ‘I don’t have 2 go all the way I can just kiss’. Y’alls should stick around this week for more retrospective introspection as we ‘get our emo on’ recall the whirlwind of a rollercoaster adventure ride that has been our time together here on MyBrandedLifeTM.


What a ride y’alls. Can’t wait for the next chapter, but more about that ‘l8er in the week’.

Y’alls, we need 2 talk.

I have a confession my frendz. I am not ‘who y’ulz think I am’. Well, maybe in some ways. But the truth is, there is more to me than jus’ ‘building a personal brand’ and being a ‘sarky l’il jaded semi-original millenial’. So much more y’ulz. And I want 2 share that with you.



Y’all know how Beyonce’s PB is 2-fold? As in, sometime’s she’s the ‘Beyonce we all know & luv’ and sometimes she’s ‘Sasha Fiercey’? Well, MBLTM is kinda like my ‘Ad-girl Sasha Fiercey’ except waaaayyyyy less sparkly dresses. I started it for ‘a bit of a laugh’ bcoz I kinda felt like I was ‘taking my job too srsly’ (via getting upset over cre8ive miscarriages).



But I’m starting to ‘feel a little stifled’ by this here voice. Kinda like ‘I would like 2 see other voices’ so when I do ‘come home 2 MBLTM’ I can ‘rly appreciate her 4 who she is’ and do so ‘because I enjoy it’ rather than ‘because I have to’. So I’m suggesting a ‘trial separation’ from this particular Personal Brand, just so I can ‘play the personal branding field’ and ‘get 2 know other PBs’. I know y’ulz feel me.



So pretty soonish I’m thinkin’ of inhabiting a ‘newer, more chill alter blog ego’, which I have yet to announce . Yes y’ulz – am also considering adopting a ‘nom de plumey’. Kinda realized that this blog was ‘a l’il confusing’ for industry ppl who didn’t know me / friends who did know me / people in general. Like sometimes y’all ‘didn’t know I was joking’ (via gettin’ offended).



Am thinking this new Personal Brand
will be more about ‘the happier-go-lucky-draw-me’. Coz deep down inside, I am ‘just a girl in the world’ y’all. I likes to ‘shop it up’. I likes 2 ‘read novels by Marian Keyes’ (via reading JM Coetzee & needing a quick ‘pick-me-up’). I likes 2 ‘go 2 jazz at Asoka’. I likes 2 ‘eat sushi at Nobu’. I likes 2 ‘sing along 2 Rihanna in my car‘ (‘get down if ya feel me throw ur hands up 2 da ceiling y’ulz’).



NEwayz. What y’ulz thank? Does this ‘sound intriguing’ or does it sound like my PB is ‘becoming a generic pile of shit’? Can y’all ‘live with this’ or am I ‘committing personal brand suicide’?

“Kisses” (via potential new voice – please rate out of 5 stars)

Obsessin’ over ur BlackBerry makes ur Personal Brand look poor.

Jus’ saying y’alls. I’m real sorry u can’t afford 2 pay 4 ur internet but pls don’t ‘pretend it’s a plus’. Maybe y’alls can apply 4 ‘government aids’. Remember 2 ‘use a condom’ (y’all know gov is ‘down with sleepin’ around’). ‘Such is life’ states that BlackBerry’s R crap. I can substantiate this via a sample study done by the NielsenAmpTrendScaleBrandVibeWatchReport, unpacked below:

Amanda Bynes - who is she?

Amanda Bynes - who is she?

Tara Reid. 'nuff said.

Who dis chick again? Oh ja, Brooke Hogan.

Observation: Only poor D-listers use BBs.

Conclusion: Only poor D-listers use BBs.

And ‘now we know 4 sure’. Peace.

Am i a freaking MILLENIAL?

Y’ulz, am worried. have worked soooooo hard to ‘not fit in a box’ or be ‘easily segmented’ but according 2 this l’il jazzy slideshow there ‘are loads of me out there’, ‘not fitting in2 boxes’. Have also been ‘made aware’ of some ‘nifty trix’ i have yet 2 emply, 4 eg. ‘having a show at my house’ instead of ‘seeing a band’, and ‘making my own fun’. Are y’alls aware of this? Have y’alls been aware of this ‘the whole time’? Why did no1 tell me? Is ‘the joke on me’?

Want 2 die. Fuck my life.

(thanks 4 enlightening me, sethbro.)

Conversation with a CRM manager

Phone rings. I answer.


CRM dude:     Hello, is that Mr van Tonder?


Me:                  No it’s not Mr van Tonder.


CRM dude:    Um, is that Queen van Tonder?


Me:                  Uh…sure. Let’s go with ‘Queen’ (flashbacks to a very varied Title drop-down menu…).


CRM dude:     Okay, Queen van Tonder, I’m calling from [Premium Alcohol Brand],   and I’d just like to confirm your details are still the same.


Me:                  Sure. How can I help you?


CRM dude:     Is your address still ‘Castle Greyskull, Wembley Square’?


Me:         Uh… (thinks back to that one evening years ago when I was asked to ‘fill in your details if you would like to experience further     communication from Premium Alcohol Brand’) No. It’s Castle Greyskull, 3rd Floor North Block, Wembley Square.


CRM dude:    Thanks. Enjoy the rest of your day!



Introducing… The Blogging Gown

Y’ulz. Basically been exploding all day about my brand new Blogging Gown which I got from JT One. Can you handle this?

The Blogging Gown.

I also got HEAPS of the sexiest lingerie my l’il runner’s ass has ever been contained by, so from now on will ONLY be blogging in lingerie and The Blogging Gown. Can you picture it? No? I’ll try have some shots up by Monday. I have a feeling this will do good things for my Personal Brand.

Latest Single Release: Da Black Puma


Y’ulz I’m bored in da New SA
Got myself elected now I sit all day
Sippin’ on the Chivas in the Union Buildings
Got me all randy like a buckwild gelding
Hired all my homies now they owe my ass big
They be sippin’ on my juicies like a suckling pig
I ask for a car and they buy me a jag
I ask for cash I get a Louis Vuitton bag
I ask for a crib and they build me a castle
Coz dey love how I do it in dem leopard-skin tassles


I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
I got’s a peen and I know how to use her
I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
You wanna do it in the conference room-ah?



I got 5 wives and even more lives coz my dick don’t stick when I dip it like a knife
In the honeypots filled to da brim with AIDS
Guess it’s all true what my witchdoctor say
“Take dis tongue of frog and dis eye of newt
mix it all together throw da bitch in the boot
drive her off a cliff if she says you raped her
say ‘no comment’ when dey call da newspaper
You da Prez you can do what you wanna
Ok Maybe not da cliff just send her off to Ghana”



I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
I got’s a peen and I know how to use her
I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
You like my snazzy jazzy party costume-ah?


I been Prez one year so I’m kicking up a gear coz I got this old man Mandela in my ear
Says ‘Uphold the institution of the A – N – C
Less funky chicken, more AIDS policy’
Mandela-shmela-kwela dang dis geezer don’t stop
Kicked him out my office for my dawgs dat give me props
You don’t like my rules I piss you out like water
And when you not looking I be sticking it in your daughter


I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
I got’s a peen and I know how to use her
I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
I push my seed in your babygirl’s womb-a


Tried my best. Over 2 y’ulz.


Y’ulz, all my life
Tried so hard ‘2 be spesh’
So scared of goin’ through this life
With a ‘fake moleskine from clicks’
Decided to ‘take this shot at my future’
And try out
4 da ‘National Cre8ive Team’ (via Design Indaba Supastars)



Y’ulz, all my life
Tried so hard ‘2 be different’
Stuck lots of ‘zany images from fffffound’ on my walls
Wrote lots of ‘zany cre8ive ideas’ on my hands (2 look busy while ‘on the internet’)
Updated my fbook with ‘ambiguous truths that might be about u’
Sang along 2 MGMT / Peter Bjorn & Jbro (even tweeted some lyrics)



Y’ulz
Tried so hard 2 ‘do my cre8ive bros proud’
Smoked cigarettes ‘til my gums bleed tar’
Drank alcohol ‘til I pissed premium beer’
Did lines ‘til my antidepressants didn’t work’
Even ‘talked bout digital being da future’ late in2 the nite with my Cre8ive Director y’ulz



Y’ulz
Tried so hard 2 ‘differentiate my Personal Brand’
Even ‘wrote all over my shoes’ (via customisation)
Zaned 2 the max and ‘Wore Converse with a dress’
Even ‘slept with all my guy friends’ once (via being a slag)
So I could be ‘truly cre8ive’



Is over to y’ulz now
Can do no more (‘cept encourage y’all 2 ‘clear ur cache’ so y’alls can ‘rig my vote’)
S’all up 2 you now
My crea8ive bros
Click on this link 2 ‘show me some 5 star luvin’
Maybe my dream will ‘cum true’
And I can stop ‘chasing the Loerie’
Maybe y’ulz
Maybe. Tried my best.

*******************************************************

If y’ulz would like 2 see me representin’ on the ‘National Cre8ive Team’, please click here and rate my entry (below) with 5 Stars. Then clear your cache & do it again. Ta bros.

Y’ulz can rest assured that if i make it onto the ‘National Cre8ive Team’ I will make sure biscuits are compulsory in ALL cre8ive briefings & will insist that all Client Service ppl ‘wear a bell around their necks’ so we ‘know they are coming’.

Sick y’alls.

Y’alls, was hijacked at gunpoint by a majah ear infection this Friday. Started off after I went for a run, and then my ear was itchy, and then I was in ER. Basically just writing this to ‘clear up da rumours’ about me being in rehab – would never do drugs y’all, they ‘make you ugly’ (via premature ageing).

NE wayz was in hospital for 3 days on a drip and all, but my doctors caught the infection before it could chopshop my ass up the border to be ‘resprayed & sold 4 parts’ so gonna be ok. Just chilling at home with my cortisone bros til all’s better.

Also want to take this opportunity to thank all my friend bros for all the support and flowers and treats over the past few days. Blogging from iPhone here so not sure I can hyperlink but y’alls can follow my Twitter (MyBrandedTwitterTM) to see progress on this sudden & unexpected ‘turn of fate’ that has become my reality. Never take healthy ears for granted y’all. I too thought I was infallible, that I was ‘street-smart’ & that if I were 2 be ‘felled’ by something it would be a worthy foe, like ‘megatron’ or ‘the Volturi’ or ‘John Farquar’. So wrong y’all.

Lastly just want to say that ‘life is too short to use earbuds’ so just let your body do it’s thang & hopefully y’all don’t become another victim of this senseless pharmaceutically-manufactured tragedy. Miss you healthy ear. Hope we can run as one again in no time.

Peace & pills y’all. Xoxo

bookclub

What a bunch of wild bitches. Need some bitchslapping if you ask mizzles.