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Tag Archives: mybrandedlife
Y’ulz, I am an entrepreneur. Did y’ulz know that? Sometimes I can’t ‘touch you’ via blogging because I am ‘running this town tonight’.
N E wayz…
I hav a dream. And that dream is to cre8 my vry own facebook appy. It will be called FUCKVILLE, and its appeal is quite logical y’all. Basically, various small, lonely animals will wonder in and out of your fbook profile, and you will be offered the chance 2 ‘fuck them’.
What do y’als think? Am basically pitching it to my VC bros as ‘the ultimate facebook app, a rollercoaster ride of sex, sheep and fuckery’. Think it’ll be a hit y’ulle? Am going to do a spot market research poll (for my FLYSWAT analysis later, pls leave your answer as a comment):
Will FUCKVILLE be a hit appy?
a) You’re a fucking genius Alex. Fucking fuck.
b) Of course it will. You can make an app out of anything and the laggards on the facebook adoption cycle will lap it up because they’re lower middle-class worker ants who drive third-hand hatchbacks and aspire to being head supervisor at the forklift company and playing Fuckville will allow them to ‘take back their time’ (via looking like they’re working)
c) No ways. Fucking sheep is sooooo 2000-and-late
d) If you release this app into the armies of spammy app-lapping tards on facebook I will kill myself and leave this blog post open on my laptop so ppl know why I did it.
e) There is already an app like this, except they call ‘fucking’ “farming”. Perhaps the similarity is intentional?
Appreciate your help on my individual journey to entrepreneurial greatness. If you would like the once-in-a-lifetime chance 2 be a part of this ‘sure thing’ y’als can drop me a comment telling me the top 5 ‘animals people like 2 fuck’ & I will get back 2 you based on the acumen displayed in your insights. Thanks 4 helping me ‘work night and day’ 2 make the internet ‘a more fun place’ for y’ulz.
2 blog y’ulle. too much pressure. what should i do? should i ‘off myself’? should i ‘do lines off my keyboard’? what to do y’ulle?
Appreciate your support during this ‘turning point’ in my career. Am well aware it is ‘make or break’ time. Do y’ulz have any advice 4 me as i ‘transform’? Thinking of shaving my head and smacking up a pap. What y’als thank?
Y’ulz this whole new national logo has totally inspired me. Feel like now that ‘mediocrity is celebrated’ I can rly take my place in the world. Makes me think back to those days at Ad School when Brian Searle-Tripp told me my design work ‘looked like a plumber did it’ and see it in a whole new way. I was being praised y’all! Shouldn’t have quit design & become a writer instead. Should have ‘embraced my mediocrity’!
Wish someone told me that ‘the world hates competence’ sooner. Wish someone reminded me of ‘what happened 2 piggy’. Could have had a lot more fun ‘doing drugs at varsity’ and ‘binge-eating junk food’ instead of ‘working rly hard at being a good writer & not fat’ so I could ‘come out on top’. Wish someone had told me ‘everyone hates an achiever!’ sooner. Feel like I have born the burden of ‘taking pride in wot i do & who I am’ 4 too long now.
You know how ‘life is filled with contradictions & mysteries’? Think this is one of them y’ulz. Repeat after me:
“if you want to be the best, don’t be the best, and you will be the best” – Alex van Tonderstein
Feel like I’ve discovered ‘the meaning of life’.
Y’ulz was googling ‘how 2 sue your parents’ when i read that SouthAfricanland has a new logo and that this is it.
Feel very relieved y’ulz. Was real worried SA would brand themselves as ‘aspirational’ via using 1 of the 15 classic fonts & make all the rich ppl of the world want 2 live here thereby ‘making sushi unaffordable 2 the masses’. So glad there’s no danger of ‘appearing world class’ (via hiring a designer 2 design the logo). So glad SAfricanland decided to ‘give the youth a chance’ & ‘created a job’ via commissioning one of Jacob Zuma’s 5-year-olds to design it.
How do y’ulz feel about ‘brand SAfrica’? Does it compliment your personal brand / make a kiff bumper sticker / inspire u to ‘fuck some stripper and snort CAT because your wife is a pregnant cow & u were meant for greater things’ / make u want 2 start a racist trending topic on twitter? Let me know y’als. Wanna ‘know who you are’ via your reaction 2 our National Logo. So glad we’re on this ‘journey of discovery’ together.
Hey y’ulz. Went for a stroll round the internet. Met the video below in a park. We chatted. I watched the video. Then the video said ‘See ya round’ and let someone else watch it. Little slut. Sorry – I didn’t rly mean that. Am just ‘feeling hurt’ that I cannot share the branded ‘rite of passage experiences that accompany driving a citigolf’ as expressed in the video by this ‘highly agreeable chickbro with nice soft boobs’.
Y’ulz, am rly rly bummed that I never had a CitiGolf, and now they’re not even making the car anymore. H8 my life. H8 my parents. Wish they’d ‘shown some tough love’ when giving me my 1st car & got me a ‘piece of plastic crap’ Citi that ‘fell apart slowly’ instead of a brand new Corsa Lite that ‘started 1st time every time all the time’. Feel ‘totally deprived’ of an authentic ‘coming of age’ experience via driving an Opel.
Anyone else feel this way?
Really wish my parents ‘hadn’t trusted me for shit’ & bought me a Citi because ‘I was bound to write off my first car anyway’ (I did, but it was a Butler’s Pizza dude’s fault, not mine). Wish I never had such ‘free thinking parents’ who let my boyfriends stay over in my room instead of forcing us to ‘dry-hump on the roof of my Citi Golf’. Wish my mom hadn’t ‘slapped me on the pill as soon as I grew hips’ so I could have had an authentic ‘pregnancy scare while wrestling with the choke on my Citi Golf’. Feel like the Corsa roof is ‘too high to confuse with the bonnet’ in any case.
What do y’ulz think? Should I sue my parents? Should I ‘seek treatment for my past wounds’? Should I ‘let the healing start’ by making a fake video of fake memories of my Citi Golf? In so much pain right now.
Y’ulz, this is a srs post. Sometimes I feel, when am driving my Bugatti thru the streets of ‘the most beautiful city in the world’ (Gardens), that there are beggars ‘fucking everywhere’. Think I am kind of over winding down my window BEFORE they approach 2 tell them 2 ‘lean on some other car like that Polo’. FFS y’ulle.
And as if having to ‘decline stealing from myself 2 give 2 the poor’ on a daily basis is not painful enough, some beggar walked up to my window on facebook 2day (via an internal fbook email) and begged for me to ‘just go to this page and scroll down to the photo of the yam and like it, but don’t open the photo and like the photo, just like the link or it wont count as a vote, so I can win a free yamboat’.
Y’ulle can imagine my reply.
No, y’ulle actually can’t because I used a word I made up.
“Fangbags! Did u rly just send me this??????? H8 u.”
Srsly. Are there beggars ‘fucking everywhere’? Gonna write my next pro-bono article for the Big Issue about the beggar endemic. Have ‘had it in chunks’. What are y’ulz feelings about this topical issue? Has our social networking society ‘gone 2 the dogs tonight’? is fbook ‘the new Zim’?