Tag Archives: paris hilton

Should I take out Personality Insurance?

Hey yulle. Been a little concerned lately that I am ‘slightly offensive’ to some ppl. My mom tells me I am funny and that ‘I shouldn’t change my blog for anyone’ but I’m not sold. Am pretty sure there’s a point at which I will offend the fans who LOL at my Psychographic Profiles at some time or other, and then it will just be me, writing and eating chicken wraps, thinking of ‘the good old days when ppl liked me & gave me iPhones and clicked on my links’.

Been looking at some case studies to establish best practice in Personality Insurance strategies. Found this to be pretty true:

Based on Alex’s Celebrity Study 2009 © one can pretty much conclude that ‘parading around telling people you believe in Jesus’ will allow you to get away with being a total sluttard (totally coined a new word).

One of my heroes. And the hero of most ambitious young women out there.

Miss Montag. One of my heroes. And the hero of most ambitious young women out there.

Same study also says that ‘lording around as if you own the place, when you do own the place (and own other places)’ will allow you to get away with being a sluttard.

My runner up hero. I respect her because she came from nothing and earned everything she has herself.

My runner up hero. I respect her because she came from nothing and earned everything she has herself.

Since I don’t really own anything and am more into ‘being given stuff’ I may have to go the Jesus route. What do y’uls think? Does Jesus suit my hair colour? Is it a rad scene? Does my personal brand allow for something like a ‘religious sub-brand’? Will I be cannibalizing my own brand by taking out personality insurance? What does my brand bible say about this?


Hmm. Does anyone know if Jesus is real? Maybe they can test it on Mythbusters or something. That would be a rad episode. To conclude, I drew a graph.

Some insights for your next strategic meeting.

Some insights for your next strategic meeting.

Until Mythbusters proves Jesus is real I’m just gonna sit tight on my Personality Insurance application. Have any of y’ulle got a better deal than being Christian or rich? Should I call the hippo on TV and let it ‘find me the best quote’ for Personality Insurance? Wish it wasn’t so complicated. Feels like the Personality Insurance industry is pretty stuck in the dark ages. Someone tell them to ‘get on twitter’.

existential crisis: should i send myself the Asp application?

I dont want to live on your friendslist anymore. Life has no meaning.

I don't want to live on your friendslist anymore. Life has no meaning.

so i’ve been thinking a lot about committing facebook suicide. i mean, it used to be fun, but now that i’ve been clean for so long it just feels a bit irrelevant to my life.it wasn’t always this way. i was once a junkie too, online pretty much all day, commenting on walls, sending people growing gifts. i never stooped so low as to send the What is your Stripper Name app, and i am proud to say that i was never desperate enough to add the Zombie vs Werewolves app, but i was right in there. i was poking back.

One of the worlds most devastating wars. Ever. We are still slightly crippled from the damage it caused to the world economy.

One of the world's most devastating wars. Ever. There are some who say the Poke War of 2007 is what's responsible for the present crash of the world's economy.

then, i changed jobs, and my new employer blocked facebook all day except for an hour at lunch. and not even the withdrawal pangs could keep me at my desk at lunch just to check facebook. turns out it was for the best, because once i’d had a long enough break i realised just what a shadow of myself i’d become (ok quite a pretty, airbrushed, pouting shadow, but still a shadow), slave to this glorified message board.

Look how hot I am.

Look how hot I am.

Me in Real Life Book.

Me in Real Life Book.


the thing is, so many of my friends are still hooked and very much caught up in its web. and, like some of my smoker friends who know that I’ve quit, they continue to offer me cigarettes in the form of L’il Green Patch application invites, to which i am always tempted to respond:

Dont send me apps. Srsly. If I wanted it Id already have it.

Don't send me apps. Srsly. If I wanted it I'd already have it.

The only reason I can see to keep my account open is to provide people with a place they can go to find my email address and my web addresses. maybe i should delete everything except my most basic information. but even that seems like too much effort.to me, facebook is one of those 2007 fads. the online equivalent of the palestinian scarf or the shutter shades.
I just dont want to be in a committed scarf relationship right now. But you will always be in my heart.

I just don't want to be in a committed scarf relationship right now. But you will always be in my heart.

An ancient relic. Yes people used to actually wear these. You can find fossils in Margate from the Loerie Awards back in 2008.

An ancient relic. Yes people used to actually wear these. You can find fossils in Margate from the Loerie Awards back in 2008.

i am still in a quandary about what the right thing to do is. i am worried that if i commit facebook suicide my facebook life insurance won’t pay out and i will go to facebook hell. or does facebook send its unhappy souls to facebook heaven? what is facebook heaven? is it filled with pokes and pouts? hopefully no one reading this knows the answer to that question.

Afrika’s in fashion – tell your marketing friends

are you ready? now that American Apparel’s gone Authentic African (they should change their name) on America, you can bet there’s going to be a backlash. when i look at this i wonder what kind of person will buy and wear these clothes. maybe The Cobra Snake since he has been on a mission to print T-shirts for kids in Africa so they can be cool, too. maybe Paris Hilton would buy the boob tube for her trip down here when her Madden brother played in Africa, except that has already happened. Maybe all the rich Nigerian kids will buy their own patterns in another country when they do their yearly shop overseas and bring back stuff for their friends to buy (see how i slipped in that free nugget of market research info in there? i do that a lot, if you’re observant you should see loads of free ‘research’, like free love, on my site).

Afrika with a K - now in fashion.

Afrika with a 'K' - now in fashion.

i was just thinking it would be really cool to bring out a Jacob Zuma range which is the same as what you see here except they throw in a really short skirt that shows your knees (American Apparel fans will be pleased to know that in AfriCa, if you show your knees, it means you’re a dirty slut who’ll have sex in exchange for money – which is a LOT  easier than the American equivalent where you actually have to flash your hoo-hoo when you’re getting out of your limo).

i was also thinking they should make a print of the AIDS virus because that is very much in fashion in AfriCa (seriously, almost every 3rd person has it. How far will you really go to be cool, American Apparel fans? only those who have REAL COOL AMBITION will make it to this level. you have to really WANT it.).

The AIDS print. This seasons must-have in AfriCa. Flannel is so last century.

The AIDS print. This season's must-have in AfriCa. Flannel is so last century.

Anyway, it’s actually awesome to have some of our indigenous stuff getting respect in mainstream retail outlets world wide. big up to AA.