Tag Archives: psychographics

psychographic profile: i am a white South African

I am a white South African.
This makes it my duty to a) complain and
b) complain about whatever’s done in response to my complaints.
I have a blog, and a twitter page, and a small audience. I am an ‘influencer’.
So I feel the need to influence, but also, to point out how refined,
educated and intellectuarllll I am.

I am a white South African and even though I,
like most educated people in this country,
am petrified of He Who Shall Not Be Named becoming President,
I’m not going to go right out and say it because that would not be very
politically correct, progressive or liberal.
(also it would be laaaaank obvious bro, need to ‘be special’).
Instead I will complain about ‘government’ as an homogeneous mass
and focus my complaints on white people in government
so my white friends understand just how liberal and progressive I am.

I am a white South African,
Maintaining my positioning as liberal is highly NB,
because my white friends believe that if you are not liberal, you are racist
and there are no grey areas in between.
My educated black friends LOL at me behind my back,
but mostly they pity me and my suppressed fear,
and send me digital snaps from London, where they have moved,
which I complain about,
because if black people are moving overseas,
then things must be bad.

I am a white South African,
and
I am paranoid about coming across as racist
because we have the sins of our “fathers” forced on us
all the time by our scapegoat-loving government and its
sycophantic media,
even though most of our fathers were actually against Apartheid,
but they had as much choice then
as we do now when it comes to policy (ie. No choice)
but you can bet your lobola
that I’m going to complain about it.

I am a white South African
(and proudly so)
and I’m going to complain
and through my interlektuarll complaining
I’m going to be superior to my fellow men
(who will complain about my complaints because they are as scared as me)
but I’m going to complain with pride
because I am a South African
And this is my home
and I don’t want to leave this country to complain somewhere else
I want to feel safe when I complain down the streets
and I want my children to feel safe about complaining while they play
I want women to feel that they can complain without suffering abuse
or discrimination

I am a white South African
even though South Africa’s a political mess
I’m going to stay and fight for my right to complain in the country of my birth.

I shall complain about the beaches
I shall complain about the landing grounds
I shall complain about the fields and the streets
I shall complain about the hills
and I shall never surrender


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Are you there Standard Bank / Nike / American Swiss / Pick ‘n Pay / Woolworths / Gucci / Hunter’s Dry / True Religion / Apple? it’s me, Alex.

Dear Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands that factor me into your marketing strats,

I feel a little lost. I have come to you seeking guidance in a difficult time. I feel very alone, and I have tough decisions to make, and chewy issues, and I need ur guidance. I will outline my problems and use some graphs to help you understand.

What should I be doing with my life? I am at the tender age where I go from falling in the 18 – 24 demographic to the 25 – 30 demographic. I am not sure what I should be wearing / doing with my free time / which magazines I should be reading / which websites I should be reading / which TV stations I should be watching / which ads I should be consuming / which bank I should be using / which cellphone network will give me the most bundled benefits. It’s all very confusing for me. Can you maybe send me a copy of the 25 Year-Old White Girl LSM 8-10 Manual so I can photocopy this phase in my life? I’ll basically buy whatever you tell me to, Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, but you gotta speak to me.

Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purchasing purpose?

Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purchasing purpose?

What should my income be? What should I be doing for a living? Am I in a lucrative career? What should I be drinking? I feel lost, Lifestyle Brands. What is my Corporate Identity? What should my logo be? What should my facebook status (payoff line) read?

Dear God Brand pls send me a t-shirt angel kthnks bye.

Dear Lifestyle Brands Please help me define myself as interesting, unique and 'going places'. Maybe give me a t-shirt or something. I feel like t-shirts do a good job of telling ppl who i am.

Yesterday I went to the bank and they told me the only difference between their card packages was the price and the colour of the cards. Help me, Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands. I really want a White Gold Platinum Black Dining Express Club  Card but I will have to pay more in card fees. Why is the world like this? Life is so unfair.

Graph explaining unfairness of life.

Graph explaining unfairness of life.

Dear Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, why is there war in Iraq? Is it because George Bush opened a new Nike Sweatshop there? Why did that man slash all those babies in Belgium? Was it because his mom put him in Pampers not Cuddlers when he was little? Why do we have to keep reading articles about Julius Malema? Is he a ‘subliminal ambassador’ for MacDonald’s? Is it because he wears really pointy shoes from Spitz, making him ‘highly quotable’?

Julius Malema, head of the ANC Youth League.

Julius Malema, head of the ANC Youth League.

Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, I know some people don’t believe in you. But I believe in you. I need you. I need you to tell me who I am based on what I should buy and where I fall into your marketing strategies. I will do whatever you say. Your love is all-embracing. Keep it real.

Alex

PS. I can’t be reached through TV ads and I don’t read magazines, and I will defriend you if you SMS me, so do something real amazing to catch my attention. Free stuff is prob your best bet. Cool.