Tag Archives: research

The study that changed my life: a profbro’s story

I am a professor bro. Have studied lots. I have a doctorate, but it never really ‘opened the doors’ I’d always hoped it would. Had dreams of winning a Nobel Prize. Didn’t happen. So bummed. Drank myself in2 a stupour over it the other day at some bar. Met some chick with a short skirt. Said she worked in PR. Said she could ‘make it happen 4 me’. Didn’t rly believe her. She was ‘too pretty 2 be smart’, & the kind of woman ‘I’d never get’. Just wanted 2 die.

Then she called me back the next day. Said she had this ‘gr8 idea 4 a study’. She said ‘Let’s do something big, something with high talkability & buzz factor. Let’s do a study bout how “Cape Town is racist“. That’ll get ‘em  all frothy & will give you industry credibility & media exposure.’ Crazy bint.

Didn’t rly take her srsly coz she’s not an alumni. Don’t take non-academics srsly. Bet she can’t even spell ‘schisms’. Drank some more and passed out in my own puke. Woke up with my face squashed on a Lever Arch File and her card in my hand. Smoked a cigarette. Called her. Gave the ‘study’ a go-ahead, even though she said she’d just get some friends over for drinks and ‘get some sound bytes’ and leave out anything that didn’t sound racist. Drank more until I passed out in my puke again. Hate my life. Just wanted ppl 2 respect me. Thinking of studying further.

Next day woke up with one of my young female coloured students, all naked and passed out next to me in my own puke. Felt a bit better, like ‘my suffering had purpose’ and ‘I was bridging the prejudice divide’ (via fucking & a blackout). Finally felt like I’d made up 4 ‘being born in cape town’. Thought of writing a book about it & calling it ‘Disgrace’ but realised it had already being done (hate u JM).

The phone rang. It was the PR chick. She said the ‘study’ made front page news. Said it was ‘creating a lot of buzz’ and ‘perpendicular trajectory word-of-mouth spinoff’ and that my ‘exposure was high’ and that I would now be a ‘respected profbro’. So relieved. She said my name comes up first if u google ‘cape town racist’. She said ‘the twitter is buzzing with hatespeech about capetonians’. She said ‘now you’re famous!’ Sooooo awesome y’all. Gonna do another ‘controversial study’ soon. Is rly helping my application 4 a study grant that will pay for more booze (ran out last night, pretty bummed). Gonna aim for a Nobel in 2010. Wish me luck.

what is global warming?

Hey y’ulle. I’ve noticed a lot of people talking about this thing called ‘Global Warming’ lately. They also talk about ‘sustainability‘ and ‘going green‘. Apparently it’s all because of some consumer fad called ‘Recycling‘. I read on some trend blog that Recycling is the 80s Shoulder Pad Fad reinterpreted. Not sure I should buy into it. My personal brand says I should stick to trends and ignore fads.

“You a fad / that means it somethin’ that we already had / but once you gone / you don’t come back” – Dr Dre featured in Eminem’s Anthem for a Generation “Encore”

I just did some research and according to The Diesel Global World Report, Global Warming is gonna be rad. Diesel has paid an artist to render their findings so that you can better get an idea of what will happen when Global Warming hits. These are the results:

Cant wait for the ice caps to melt.

Can't wait for the ice caps to melt.

Gonna go make a nest on a building.

Gonna go make a nest on a building.

Cant wait.

Can't wait for the endless summer.

Not sure what everyone’s on about. Just looks like the world will eventually become one big beach, which is what we’ve all been working for, anyway. Also, I heard at some blog party that all the ‘green this, green that’ is just a viral campaign for Hyperrama. Nice one. They’ll probably win a Loerie Grand Eagle Prix for it.

Guess I don’t want to be completely out of what’s in, you know? I’ve been thinking about how I can tastefully incorporate this new socially-aware movement into my life so it makes me look like a person who is ‘responsible, enlightened and aware‘. Maybe I should get some hemp socks from Woolworths or some Hemp Hand Cream from the Body Shop and just tell myself that the tube isn’t made of lead. Maybe I can preach to my friends but just ignore the fact that I drive a Hummer. Like I said, don’t want to get too into this fad coz it’s about to tip mainstream any minute now, like pencil skirts.

night time brainstorm at the office

we got our grasses in to help us brainstorm a new product the other day. it was for an alcohol brand, and to get people thinking with their senses as well as just their brains we got all sorts of fruit flavours, savoury flavours, scents and visual stimulation and just put them out everywhere. we also got crayons and pencil crayons and pastels and paint and lots of paper and even some glitter glue.

ruth sticking stuff up

we got to taste 2 new products – as of yet nameless and without a brand, which is kind of weird, a bit like engaging with a person who has no name. well not really. then we got to brainstorming what we would call it and what we thought it tasted like and what our ideal drinks would taste like and what kind of bottle in would come in. we had some sushi breaks and drank more wine and ended up taking the best of everyone’s ideas and combining them to create… durn durn durn… our collective ideal drink. it sounds like a nightmare to execute, but it turned out surprisingly well, even though it was a bunch of consumers designing a drink. it’s rather refreshing to do this kind of thing with people who don’t work in advertising and brands every day. their thinking is generally clearer and just quite simple. which is exactly what we aim for but tend to spend so much time mucking around with. some pics of the evening:

2 of our lady grasses and priscillaconsumers getting involved with a fantasy brandmore consumer creativitypriscilla, ruth and shirley

Intern Jackie and Portiamy scribblesportia's scribblesserena on the swing (yes we have a swing)for the cameracleaning up at about 10.30 pm