Tag Archives: south african

be like me kids… drink Stormhoek

Today is the last day of July, hence the last day I can blog about anything birthday related. Which is why I’m dragging myself out of brain-implant / transplant recovery to write about the last bottle of Stormhoek Limited Edition 2004 Guava Pinotage I got from Chris for my birthday. (Luckily I can now ‘Blog Just By Thinking thanks to new brain. rad.) I’m not a drinker (as some of you may have gathered), but reigun and 5starRich will bear witness to my having a quarter-glass of this stuff over the course of the birthday month. It’s also made my guests super happy, who normally have to choose between 5 roses tea / water / Coke Light. Plus it looks totally hot in my kitchen. So I’m thinking I’ll get some more of this stuff and keep my cabinet full. Thanks Chris 🙂

The good stuff.

The good stuff.

PS. Did you know Stormhoek is MASSIVE overseas? Yep. Last time I was in LA it’s the only wine I saw ppl drinking. PPS. Blog BFF Seth is in LA at the moment. Check out his adventures here.

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Am I stuck in the 90s?

Hey yulz. Been feeling down lately. Been worried that I am ‘stuck in the 90s’. The other day was driving and saw a Calvin Klein orgy billboard and it ‘appealed to my sensibilities’ and ‘spoke to my aspirations of being a liberal individual who is also hot’, which planted the seed of worry.

Then I walked past Ed Hardy at the waterfront and actually considered ‘paying money to look like some trashy slut’ who digs rhinestones and skulls and tattoo-vibes, which is when the warning bells really kicked in.

A picture of class.

A picture of class.


Then, as I was perusing this season’s handbags, I almost dropped 1k on a piece of shit Guess handbag, because I momentarily forgot the rules.

How to smell rich.

How to smell 'rich'.

Then I experienced an urge to ‘push social boundaries’ by being free-spirited and zany and ‘experimenting with social taboos’ by sleeping with all my friends (guys and girls). Was a low point. Might as well drench myself in CK1 and put Nevermind on repeat.

Anyone got a vial of blood I can wear round my neck? Is 4 my image.

Anyone got a vial of blood I can wear round my neck? Is 4 my image.

Then sat at home and felt crap about myself, and decided that I need bigger boobs, which sent me spiralling, because if anything is soooo last decade, it’s big boobs. Mother of god.

Big Boobs. Not renowned for dating well.

Big Boobs. Not renowned for dating well.

And then came the last straw: I was catching up on the mandatory morning reading and saw that Britney had died her hair dark again, and I wondered if I should exclaim loudly about how much I hate her. Maybe subject a few innocent colleagues to my opinions about ‘how dumb Britney is’. Which was when I realised it: I am stuck in the 90s.

Britney-hating: the ultimate 90s opinion.

Britney-hating: the ultimate 90s opinion.

Feel very down. Can’t believe I thought I was a child of the new millennium. Thought I was original and intellectual and free-spirited and one-of-a-kind and ‘unique’. Thought that people ‘see something different and special’ in me because I go against the social grain and ‘cannot be controlled’. But now I realised I’m just a retard loser stuck in the 90s. FML.

I care about things. I care about you.

My brain’s been deeply engaged lately. Been thinking. Been wondering about whether I am contributing to something meaningful to the world via my career. Not really sure that ‘making milkshake worlds’ or creating the Alcoholics Of Tomorrow via ambassador programs is ever going to be the kind of thing my grandkids will brag about. Basically, I (and by I, I mean my personal brand) has been feeling a bit average.

I recently got told about the Heart Transplant Museum in Cape Town, where you can go and see life-like wax models of the first heart-transplant, and dress up like a doctor and get goosebumps at ‘following in the footsteps of greatness’.


Like an angel.

Like an angel.

This beautiful picture inspired me to read up about Chris Barnard on wikipedia, and about all his great achievements and how he conquered the world even though he lives on the tip of Africa and was Afrikaans. You know how black people in this country say they only find achievements inspiring if it’s done by a black person, and hence flip out about not enough black people in top positions? Well I’m the same. I can only be inspired by great things if they’re done by an Afrikaans person (via narrow-minded-excuse-making), even though I barely speak Afrikaans. But I don’t have to since ‘it’s in my blood’. Think of me as your ‘Good-Girl War-Veteran’. kisses MK xxx.

The Britney Spear of the Nation.

The Britney Spear of the Nation.

What got me all fuzzed up about him was the fact that he did most of his heart transplants free of charge, which indicates a good balance on his personal brand between narcissistic hot Doctor guy and altruist-for-the-people. Which made me realize that’s what’s missing from my personal brand – the meaning that comes from convincing other people you care about deep issues, like teen pregnancy / whether street kids have enough glue / saving the environment / pretending to push the whales back in the sea when they just want to be left alone to die.

What they call an all-rounder. He must have been smart too to get through medschool x 2.

What they call 'an all-rounder'. He must have been smart too to get through medschool x 2.

So was thinking about adopting a meaningful cause that I can champion with my influence and passion, a cause about which I can ‘generate awareness’ and ‘conceptualise PR’ which leads to ‘word-of-mouth  buzz marketing and viral activational engagements’. Some of the causes I’ve been considering include:

1. Advertisements have rights too, ie. Writing up a ‘constitution’ for advertisements that includes ‘ads have the right to shelter’ and then protesting when a billboard that has not been printed with UV-resistant ink is placed in an open area without cover. People seem to like protesting here. Probably because most of our people have ‘natural rhythm’ and tapping into that kind of momentum would mean half the work is done, ie.  Tapping into the long-tailing trend and catching a ride on the collaboration fad wave.



2. Affirmative Action for the oppressed, ie. All the creatives who have had their work discriminated against by clients should be given a free lunch, maybe free medical aid (because of all the mental abortions they have had to endure), and all the top jobs in government. Really think that government would have a great image if they hired us to ‘create a vibe’ in the office, or whatever. Could maybe take a page out of Peet Pienaar’s book (but not the same book he keeps designing over and over and giving a new name to a la Afro, Bruce Lee, etc) and leave trails of boerewors lying around parliament, like the ones Peet left lying around at Jupiter (miss u Jupiter).

3. Client tax. Basically the client pays tax on all the changes they make to a finished, cohesive concept. So the more you strip away in favour of budget (via the recession / general ignorance of the merit of having a concept in your advertising), the more tax you pay on a concept. The tax goes towards supplying creatives with ‘soul deposits’, since stripping concepts takes chunks out of the soul of the creative, like a shark in a frenzy. This might be too abstract however. Not sure whether a currency needs to be set up for ‘soul deposits’. Not sure what would be a happy medium for everyone, since people are so diverse. Maybe the currency can be butternut soup, which is quite neutral. Or heroine, since even if you don’t actively like it now, you probably will like it once you try it. Or maybe something meaningful, like a Louis Vuitton handbag. Basically once you’ve had 10 ideas stripped down to nothing you have earned 1 handbag. Works for me.

Green advertising. This is where we only print in green to create awareness around the fact that we are aware of the environment, and how bad we feel when we print out 100 page PDFs because it’s ‘easier than flicking between screens’. This is really just first-phase at the moment.

That’s where I’ve got up to so far. Let me know if you have a cause you’d like me to champion. I am your humble servant, at your service, here to serve you in any way that I can in a humble fashion. Just want y’ulle to see me as DEEP as well as shallow.

Psychographic profile: I am a GirlJock

Wish I could be in High School for ever. Might go back and coach Girls soccer.

Wish I could be in High School for ever. Might go back and coach Girls' soccer.

I am a GirlJock
In high school my identity was defined by my place in the hockey team
And my place at the sidelines of every ‘big game’ that ‘my’ boys played
And not much has changed except now
I am allowed to drink (legally)
And Thank god (I mean that, I am Christian, Anglican in fact),
because drinking is probably the biggest part of my identity today.

Just another AMAZING NIGHT OUT  with one of my BEST FRIENDS.

Just another AMAZING NIGHT OUT with one of my BEST FRIENDS.

I am a GirlJock
I have over 1000 friends on facebook
All of them love me because I am the life of the party
I am always smiling
There are over 1000 photos on facebook of me smiling
I have sooooo much fun
With all my friends who love my smile
We have so much fun because we are sooooo pissed
We get up to soooooo much craziness at the game / the ball / the girlz night out / the J&B Met
When we get together
And get pissed

Hey such great times at the Met. I 3 the Met, its my best.

Hey such great times at the Met. I ❤ the Met, it's my best.

I am a GirlJock
All my friends wish they were me
Even the hot skinny blonde ones
Even though I can’t shake the extra weight I carry around
(it’s because of my drinking, but who cares what you look like when you can party!)
but being overweight doesn’t stop like, a million guys being my best friend
I have soooooo many guy friends
I am in love with like, all of them, but I’ll never risk telling them because
“I don’t want to ruin the friendship”
though I am actually scared they will reject me
because I am not at my ‘ideal weight’
but I keep ordering another drink hoping that
we will be sooo pissed and end up kissing on the dancefloor / at the rugby
and it will turn into something meaningful

I 3 him so much it hurts.

I ❤ him so much it hurts.

I am a GirlJock
I studied whatever my older brother studied
And in some ways, I think my older brother is my soul mate
He said I should have been HeadGirl of my highschool
And I totally agree with him
**SMOOCHIESS!!!**
We are the best of friends
4 ever

My brother and I are very close.

My brother and I are very close.

I am a GirlJock
I am highly sociable and am able to be ‘friends with everyone’ (it actually says that on my CV)
Even the zany little creative people
Who don’t work at my accounting firm and claim to ‘hate rugby’ (cute!)
I am a GirlJock
Can’t wait for the weekend
So I can get soooo pissed and partay with like, all my millions of friends
And take photos and post them on facebook
So everyone can see how much fun I am
And how awesome my life is.

Hangovers R us. We are sooo crazy.

Hangovers R us. We are sooo crazy.

I am a GirlJock.

psychographic profile: i am a white South African

I am a white South African.
This makes it my duty to a) complain and
b) complain about whatever’s done in response to my complaints.
I have a blog, and a twitter page, and a small audience. I am an ‘influencer’.
So I feel the need to influence, but also, to point out how refined,
educated and intellectuarllll I am.

I am a white South African and even though I,
like most educated people in this country,
am petrified of He Who Shall Not Be Named becoming President,
I’m not going to go right out and say it because that would not be very
politically correct, progressive or liberal.
(also it would be laaaaank obvious bro, need to ‘be special’).
Instead I will complain about ‘government’ as an homogeneous mass
and focus my complaints on white people in government
so my white friends understand just how liberal and progressive I am.

I am a white South African,
Maintaining my positioning as liberal is highly NB,
because my white friends believe that if you are not liberal, you are racist
and there are no grey areas in between.
My educated black friends LOL at me behind my back,
but mostly they pity me and my suppressed fear,
and send me digital snaps from London, where they have moved,
which I complain about,
because if black people are moving overseas,
then things must be bad.

I am a white South African,
and
I am paranoid about coming across as racist
because we have the sins of our “fathers” forced on us
all the time by our scapegoat-loving government and its
sycophantic media,
even though most of our fathers were actually against Apartheid,
but they had as much choice then
as we do now when it comes to policy (ie. No choice)
but you can bet your lobola
that I’m going to complain about it.

I am a white South African
(and proudly so)
and I’m going to complain
and through my interlektuarll complaining
I’m going to be superior to my fellow men
(who will complain about my complaints because they are as scared as me)
but I’m going to complain with pride
because I am a South African
And this is my home
and I don’t want to leave this country to complain somewhere else
I want to feel safe when I complain down the streets
and I want my children to feel safe about complaining while they play
I want women to feel that they can complain without suffering abuse
or discrimination

I am a white South African
even though South Africa’s a political mess
I’m going to stay and fight for my right to complain in the country of my birth.

I shall complain about the beaches
I shall complain about the landing grounds
I shall complain about the fields and the streets
I shall complain about the hills
and I shall never surrender


why a ninja turtle would make a better president than He Who Shall Not Be Named

Heroes in the  half shell.

Heroes in the half shell.

Ninja turtles went to school (ninja school, but still). They completed their education, which indicates commitment and is a solid achievement in itself.

He Who Shall Not Be Named’s only commitment is to taking a shower, and his education = that of a 10 year old.

Ninja turtles fight crime. He Who Shall Not Be Named fights the forces that fight crime. Electing You Know Who into power would be like electing Shredder. Or worse, that Brain thing (Crang?), but without the brain. Just the tripod.

The Bad Guy. You dont elect bad guys, remember? No? Oh sorry, forgot, they covered that in Std 3.

The Bad Guy. You don't elect bad guys, remember? No? Oh sorry, forgot, they covered that in Std 3.

Ninja turtles have a wise master in the form of a giant rat named Splinter, whom they listen to. He Who Shall Not Be Named is too dumb to realise how dumb he is (fact: the last people to recognise incompetence are the incompetent, because they don’t know what competence is – this is backed up by studies – Google it).

How long is this namby pamby election charade going to last? Can  NPA just prosecute? And if it is going to bring all of government down, then so be it. For reals y’ulle. Sick of this shizzle. Can South Africa just make its children proud – for once – to call themselves South Africans?

*******************************************************************************

Sad Fact: When you get a Samsung phone, and then it sucks completely because it’s noisy and it freezes and it loses your data, you can just get a new phone and never have anything to do with Samsung ever again.

But when you’re born into a country who elects a complete moron to head its ruling party, you can’t do anything about it, because the whole world knows he’s a moron and blocks your passport so you can’t even leave. Sad.

At least angry/humiliated South African turtle here can hide his  face from the shame of being South African turtle.

At least angry/humiliated South African turtle here can hide his face from the shame of being South African turtle.


Psychographic Profile: I am in LOVE with great ideas.

Hi, I’m a creative who works in advertising
My work is mediocre – not bad, but not amazing –
but I often miss my deadlines
so I have invented this crazy zany advertising persona
(I’m a meta-creative)
so people think I am an advertising genius.
I talk a lot about how much I love ideas,
I talk about how technology excites me and
how ‘most clients just don’t get it’.
When I go for interviews, I pretend that money doesn’t matter
because I ‘live and breathe ideas’.
Some ppl are fooled
Some are not
Just gotta take your chances.

Imaginising a great idea.

Imaginising a great idea.

I am a crazy-idea-obsessed-imaginator
I recently discovered the internet so
I spend a lot of time talking really loudly about programs and sites that most people already know about
but I am so loud that everyone who doesn’t know about them
thinks that I discovered them first.
I like to pick a controversial opinion
and subject people to it at every opportunity
doesn’t matter what it is
just as long as I am disseminating my opinions
that I read on some marketing blog
somewhere.

I.am.exploding.with.creativity.

I.am.exploding.with.creativity.

I am a zany imaginationista
I have a blog about ideas that I started 3 years ago
I haven’t posted on it for 2 yrs 6 months
but I still put it on my LinkedIn profile
because it still counts (it DOES still count)

Exploding.with.creativeness.

Exploding.with.creativeness.

I am a kooky imagineerist
I made that title up myself
it is on my business cards
which I ordered on Flickr
I just discovered ffffound.com and sent it  round the office
now everyone knows about it
and everyone knows I knew about it first
if I could, I would write ‘First!!1’ under everything in the office
including the hot secretary at the front desk
(she’ll never tell, but everyone knows)

So much to think about.

So much to think about.

I am a trippy imaginator
I customise my clothes / laptop / laptop bag / trainers
I wear badges with abstract type on them
And the logos from my favourite cartoons when I was a kid

Great ideas. Running through my brain. Cant stop. Like a hurricane.

Great ideas. Running through my brain. Can't stop. Like a hurricane.

I am a mad imaginoodle
And I am in LOVE with new ideas.