Hey y’ulz. Hey do y’all remember Windows? Yes, Windows. That program on the “computers” that we all used to use (v diff 2 the OS we use on our lappies today). One of Windows’s greatest features was being able to open one thing while opening another at the same time.
“Check it out, you can multitask!”
Of course, that all changed when they launched Windows Vista. But back then we’d play Prince of Persia while twirling our Coke Yo-Yos and grooving to “Black or White” while wearing “peace” shirts. Anyways, found this song about Windows thought y’ulle would appreciate. Sing with me: “It’s too late, I got a Mac… too late…”
Posted in consumer, funny, technology
Tagged coke yoyos, got a mac, my branded life, one republic, prince of persia, song, technology, the 90s, too late, vista, windows, windows 7
having a nemesis makes you work harder. a good nemesis should keep you up at night, while you try to outwit and outsmart them. a good nemesis should make you go to the Virgin Active every day, so you can be thinner or more buff than them. a good nemesis should keep your shoes clean, so you don’t look like shit when you appear next to them on a gameshow they’ve devised to make you look dumb.
i’m looking for a new nemesis. steve jobs had bill gates. who have i got? ppl who hate britney spears? ppl who forward around the Virgin Airlines ‘best complaint letter ever’ (for real? is it really so very funny?)? feeling rather thin on the nemesis front. sometimes i like to have a nemesis as a boss, because it makes you want to ‘prove them wrong’. but i like my boss. she believes in me. a nemesis should never believe in you. fear you, intimidate you, threaten you, maybe – but never believe in you.
that local politician who keeps singing that song about a machine gun used to be my nemesis, but he’s probably dying of AIDS, and that’s no fair. not sure why everyone’s so scared of him becoming president, because he’ll die of AIDS eventually (he doesn’t use condoms and sleeps with chicks who are HIV +). it’s not very sporty to have a nemesis who is dying.
i guess in order to find my nemesis i should follow some sort of logical process and pick someone who stands against something i stand for. then i should decide what i stand for. i stand for: getting free stuff / buying stuff / having stuff bought for me / wearing cool stuff / listening to music on my various cool technological stuffs / reading about cool stuff / making cool stuff / running / dissing facebook.
now if i flip this and line up all the opposites, my nemesis should become immediately apparent. and my nemesis is…
stupid. clearly. who doesn’t like cool stuff? not sure that this is the most effective way of establishing a nemesis.
i’ll think about this over the weekend, and get back to y’ulle on monday. feel like whomever i choose as my nemesis will have a big impact on my personal brand.
Posted in creatives, facebook, free stuff, personal branding, technology
Tagged apple, bill gates, CEOs, dating show, enemies, finding a nemesis, free stuff, game show, microsoft, my branded life, software, steve jobs, technology, virgin active
the time for me to grow up has finally arrived. see, for the past 3 years i have been freeloading off the companies i work for and relying on my oral sex skills to keep me in laptops. but now in these harsh economic times it seems that not even a blowjob can get passed under the tax table without someone asking why the new girl has the MacBook Pro Aluminium Ltd Edition Steve Jobs worx, and the sad truth is that if i want a fancy laptop i am going to have to buy one. sigh.
some people ask me, “Alex, why didn’t you buy one ages ago, you are so digital and stuff, surely you want your own super duper machine??”
it’s a good question, but i have a good answer, and that is that buying a piece of digital as meaningful and statement-making as a laptop makes me want to wet myself just so that i have something else to think about. see, the machine i buy will slot me into someone’s pigeonhole, and i have a lot of brand therapy to get through before i even start on my digital brand-made persona. for example, i am still not drinking alcohol because making a decision about what to drink and hence making a statement about who i am really is too much for me. this girl can’t cope with that right now, not before i decide on my summer sunglasses brand. and now i have been forced between a work-provided desktop PC (yes they still make them LOL) and some sort of mobile digital device that says the following about me:
– i am an innovator and not afraid to try and buy new things and i am smart enough to make the choice that is not the obvious one for everyone else but totally works for me
– i am rich and have a lot of money to throw around despite everyone suffering in these harsh economic times which means i am an anomaly and hence highly desirable as a friend / colleague / blogger / girlfriend / cool chick in ur photos / person taking photos at your self-published book launch
– i have an amazing sense of style and taste that makes anyone who sees my piece of digital feel inadequate in all that they do, including their career, who they are as a person, as a lover and of course, especially, on levels of physical attractiveness
– i have my shit together yet i am also a slightly kooky wildcard and my digital piece is alternately an object of love and peace and beauty and a devastating weapon of destruction and slicey words that will blow your mind and also make you see things differently and change your perspective on how you view yourself
– that i am a self-starting innovative go-getter who will stop at nothing to release her single / publish her book / write her blog / twitter her thoughts / upload photos of her rad life / download photos of her friends’ rad lives / shop online for her favourite brands (as of yet just a handful because i am really discerning)
Need laptop with auto-facebook-reply to keep in touch with my "friends".
you see how hard this decision is? do i get a sony viaoaoaooo or whatever in pastel pink because it contradicts my strong jawline? or do i get the new macbook air because it’s completely useless in south africa and it will make people wonder how i make my money? or do i go against the laptop grain and get the most advanced blackberry known to mankind and make a big deal of blogging at the family christmas or whenever i’m in a mall? would i go to malls just to blog and start a mall-blogging trend?
Which laptop makes me appealing to child predators?
this decision will have severe repercussions, make no mistake. i just want y’ulle to know that i’m putting a lot of thought into it and can promise that i will make the right decision when the times comes, and i might change my mind, but that will be the right decision, too.
Posted in branding, cool products, free stuff, mobile, my real life, online, personal branding, purchase process, retail, technology
Tagged apple, better, blogger, brand, cake, chick, choice, choosing, consumer, decision, digital, free computer, girls, hot, judged, laptop, MAC, macbook pro, make people feel inadequate, mybrandedlife, oral sex, pc, pigeon-holed, process, south africa, technology, which, which laptop to buy, young dolls