Tag Archives: woolworths

Introducing… The Blogging Gown

Y’ulz. Basically been exploding all day about my brand new Blogging Gown which I got from JT One. Can you handle this?

The Blogging Gown.

I also got HEAPS of the sexiest lingerie my l’il runner’s ass has ever been contained by, so from now on will ONLY be blogging in lingerie and The Blogging Gown. Can you picture it? No? I’ll try have some shots up by Monday. I have a feeling this will do good things for my Personal Brand.

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Violated by Mr Price.

it wasn’t the best weekend, i’ll be honest. i took a few blows. the first blow came when i found out i wasn’t a finalist in the SA blog awards (rough). and literally minutes – minutes – after the nice lady at the suicide hotline had talked me out of ‘the easy way out’, i got what i can only describe as being a complete violation of my soul in the form of a Singing, Talking Mr Price Text Message.

this is not a joke. this is not some smarmy material I’ve invented for the sake of ‘interesting reading’. my phone bleeped normally, as if it were just another text message from FNB telling me someone had dropped another mil into my account, when my phone notched its volume up 5 levels and started telling me about ‘great deals’, ‘getting it’ and ‘account’.

needless to say, i had a complete meltdown.
not sure what i ever did to deserve this kind of violation. this kind of pain.

Mr Price - touching me in my special place.

Mr Price - touching me in my special place.

i dropped my phone and ran to the 24 hr engen & ate imported toffees until the police lady with the nice doggy came and walked me home.

Really Mr Price? Are you really okay with making me feel like this?
Hate life.

Happy Valentine’s Day y’ulle.

Hope you all had a good day on Saturday. Hope your boyfriend / girlfriend / sympathetic parent bought you something red, shiney and heart-shaped. You can be sure they got it free in the queue at Woolworths when they were doing groceries on their WW card because times are hard.

I had a good V-day. Managed to score 2 free heart choccies from Woolies. Managed to score a dining room table and a knife set. Nothing like a knife set for V-day.

Cut out this template with a knife and create your very own V-day promo at home. Your BF / BFF will think you are a premium retailer with a future.

Cut out this template with a knife and create your very own V-day promo at home. Your BF / BFF will think you have official ties to a premium retailer.

Just want to say thanks to Virgin Active for hanging cut-out paper hearts in their foyer. It definitely made me feel all loved-up coming to gym and walking under some cut-out paper hearts on my way to the change room. They were even cut out by hand, which made me think warm thoughts about off-duty personal trainers sitting in the staff lounge, cutting hearts out of red, pink and white paper, not even noticing the smell of foot in the furniture because they are so used to it. ❤ personal trainers.

Make.Your.Own.Ambient.V-day.Media.

Make.Your.Own.Ambient.V-day.Media.

Also want to say thanks to glomobi for offering me a pink dancing bear that I can ‘order’ via SMS and send to my loved one(s) / personal trainer. Just can’t get enough of cute animated vibes speaking in a helium voice on my cellphone. Cute animated helium vibes is the new coal. Gonna stop before I get all nostalgic about ‘a simpler time’.

Also want to thank the big 3  Mass Market LSM 4 – 8 major retailers (Louis Vuitton, Guess and Gucci) for sending me Valentine’s messages, and notifying me of the various specials, promos and great deals available in store today. Not sure if I would be this content with my current life choices had I not picked up a new handbag as a Gift With Purchase (GWP) when I bought another 75ml tube of 8-hour cream that I don’t use. ❤ being in an economic boom while rest of earth is in a recession.

Make.Your.Own.V-day.Tactical.Media.Blitz.

Make.Your.Own.V-day.Tactical.Media.Blitz.

Did y’ulle manage to get any good deals on cosmetics / cool GWPs / experience any lovey ambient media / get free heart chocolates NOT made from cooking chocolate / flyers for Valentine’s Day tyre specials on your windscreen this V-day? MSG me with details, can’t wait to trade stories / choccies.

should i sell my personal brand?

so Jupiter sold just under half their company to WPP, which owns every ad agency on the planet that those other 2 big holding companies don’t. I’ll bet shareholders at Jupiter had a grand old day and maybe went out and bought 10 Porsches and Damien Hirst’s Diamond Skull to celebrate. that’s cool. it takes something special to make a place named after a big gassy planet work.

Hi, Im a Jupiter Shareholder and Im so rich I only drink water that collects in the cup of the rare Eagle Moon Orchid that flowers once a year. Im very dedicated to my health.

"Hi, I'm a Jupiter Shareholder and I'm so rich I only drink water that collects in the cup of the rare Eagle Moon Orchid that flowers once a year. I'm very dedicated to my health."

Hi Im a Jupiter Shareholder and this is my car. I keep it this white by washing it with water collected from the petals of the rare Moon Eagle Orchid.

"Hi I'm a Jupiter Shareholder and this is my car. I keep it this white by washing it with water collected from the petals of the rare Moon Eagle Orchid."

In light of this deal, I’m considering accepting WPP’s proposal to buy my personal brand. i guess it would be quite a mission because i would have to be audited, and then ‘placed under review’. I’d have to freeze my assets and bonuses and standardise the salary increase i give myself every few days. this might be a problem since i am of the ‘old school’ that believes in living fast and dancing in the rain like no one is watching tomorrow, so my assets are ethereal things, ideals, really. has anyone ever had their ideals audited? does it involve a written questionnaire? I am not very into multiple choice.

The people in this photo are a) art directors b) copywriters with iPhoto c) advertising students singing the song, thinking this is the life d) freelance film directors brainstorming at Royale.

The people in this photo are a) art directors b) copywriters with iPhoto c) advertising students 'singing the song, thinking this is the life' d) AFDA students brainstorming at Royale.

I sure wish I was a Jupiter shareholder right now. i would mos def exceed my daily withdrawal limit / electronic transfer limit / inter-account transfer limit. I’d stroll down the road and buy the Fat Cactus. And then burn it to the ground. I’d burn R200 notes in front of my middle-class friends, so that they understand that i have matured and am no longer the same person i was in high school. sometimes friends tend to see you as the gawky, pimpled fat person you were when you met in high school. burning money would probably cement my new identity as ‘one of the top 100 rich ppl in Southafricanland’, and it would might make them fear me slightly and therefore be nicer to me because that’s what true friendship is all about.

Its not about doing the fan for your facebook profile pic.

True friendship: It's not about 'doing the fan' for your facebook profile pic.

has a holding company ever bought a personal brand before? I know that deals like this have to be very ‘carefully structured’ and stuff like that. things i would insist in my contract would include:

– I would retain 51% ownership so that when the time came to diss one of my friends / pull out of a party i committed to / buy a new pair of All Stars, I would have control over who was dissed / whether I excuse myself via SMS or just not pitch / which colour or hi-top vs. ankle jacks.

Wanna be free to hang out in my bedroom while my friends take photos of me lying against my bed with my All Stars casually positioned strategically.

Wanna be free to hang out in my bedroom while my friends take photos of me lying against my bed with my All Stars casually positioned strategically.

– I would be able to insist that 50% of my friends and all people who approach me with free drinks and offers of sex at The Assembly / poke me on facebook / add me on myspace / @MyBrandedLifeTM me on Twitter are all black because black peeps are notoriously cooler than whites or coloured or any other ethnicity. Also black peeps will enhance my street cred and will result in possible collaborations with other strong personal brands like Eminem / Dr Dre / Whoopi Goldberg.

A black person. Cooler than youll ever be.

A black person. Cooler than you'll ever be.

Black people 4 eva.

Black people 4 eva.

– I would work some sort of automatic Jewishness into the contract because it’ll stand me in good business stead, plus it’ll hopefully bring body to my very straight, very uncurly hair. Always wanted wavy, curly hair. Even willing to drop my GHD endorsement for it.

– A permanent spot at the front of the Woolies queue. Nothing is more devastating to my PB than the reflection of myself in the Woolies plexiglass, kicking my basket of Fat Free White Peach Yoghurt and Chuckles forward in front of me, as I inch closer to the till.

Double points on my Vida card every time I swipe. Am kind of tired of buying 7 cups of coffee a day so I can get a free coffee every Friday. Paying for Vida is kind of what plebby City Varsity Students who have just discovered Vida do. Feel like I’m beyond this. Pls organise.

Somebody to write and think of cool stuff for my contract because this is getting boring.

****************************************************************

question: do y’ulle think it’s hypocritical to build an agency and call it ‘independent’ and then sell it for loads of $$$$$$? some ppl who live in the comments of this article think so. i kind of don’t know what the point of being creative for other ppl is if you don’t make $$$$$$$$$. ya know?

Using your god-given talents to make people who are not you rich is like shooting yourself in the nose to spite your ear. - The richest oppenheimer

"Using your god-given talents to make people who are not-you rich is like shooting yourself in the nose to spite your ear." - The richest oppenheimer

***************************************************************

Sub-topic: The Money Effect

A study into consumer / employee behaviour by Alex van Tonder.

Insight: People feel happy and free to be productive and amazing and fulfilled and valued and inspired to reach unchartered territories and be loyal when you pay them lots of $$$$$$ and give them Macbooks.

Recommendation: Pay the ppl you like most lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$ and give them Macbooks.

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See how simple life is? Oh, what’s that? You want me to run your company? Send your proposal of my employment contract to alex@mybrandedlife.com.


getting in touch with my inner predator part 2: suggestions for branded christmas giveaways

not all squid are predators but when i think about squids i always think about the giant ones. therefore all squids are predators in my mind. anyway christmas is coming – bet the shops already told you – so i’ll be starting a list of ‘gift hints’ on mybrandedlife which will both have some sort of branding context and will also serve as handy reference for when you are shopping for me. if you are shopping for me. if you care. i’m adding this squid hat to my list:

Dignified. Works with skinny jeans and peep toes. Maybe a bright summar pinafore. Gives me Amy Winehouse cool with the fear of what her hair smells like.

Dignified. Works with skinny jeans and peep toes. Maybe a bright summer pinafore. Gives me Amy Winehouse cool with the fear of what her hair smells like.

also this shark hat will do really nicely:

A retro tilt will give my usually tomboy-ish style of dressing a dash of retro dandy glam. Or so my fashion school friends tell me.

A retro tilt will give my usually tomboy-ish style of dressing a dash of retro dandy glam. Or so my fashion school friends tell me.

Brands are always on the lookout for items they can put their logo on and give out at club promotions / product festivals / general giveaways. I would love to receive either of these as a branded giveaway, and I know I am not alone. Compare another branded key ring / lanyard / peak cap / t-shirt to a squid / shark hat. Logos I can imagine appearing on these fashion feats are:

–  Heineken

Savanna

–  Mini Cooper (imagine getting a squid hat free with your car purchase? I could die happy)

– Woolworths under Woolworths Sea Predators Original Label (it doesn’t exist but i am making suggestions here)

– The Young Designers Emporium Hats Originalz Line (also To Be Seen in the Future)

What if the World

Something Fishy should have loads of these in their restaurant franchises, and whenever you order the Calamari and Fries you get the Squid Hat. If you order the combo dish you get the Shark Hat because it makes you the ultimate predator.

I could be here all afternoon…

store cards: who’s getting it right

every time i open my wallet i get this sick feeling, probably not uncommon to many people since opening your wallet is synonymous with dishing out hard earned cash, but the reason for my mounting nausea is the fact that i have, oh, 6 billion store cards confronting me every time i want to do something simple, like get change for a card guard or pull out that worn fortune cookie with the lotto numbers on it.
the nausea reached fever pitch over the holidays, when i was doing a large amount of opening my wallet, and something inside me snapped. as a kind of consumer extraordinaire (truly, i sign up for everything i lay my eyes on partly because it’s my job and party because i’m curious that these brands may have something meaningful to offer me) i am exposed to vast amounts of brand propaganda, most of which i can say (with good authority) is a load of gunk. and i just kind of had enough.

even though there are benefits to buying with a store / loyalty card over cash, i can’t help but feel i’m being duped every single time, especially since i’m not really into buying when i can’t afford stuff (one of the perks of not being a ‘Black Diamond’, whatever that is anyway), which is precisely what a store card is designed to do. so i emptied my wallet onto the kitchen counter and stared at my plastic fairweather friends for a good long time before i decided to act on Oprah’s advice and ‘cut the bad people out of my life’.

as more and more marketers realise that niching is the way to go in terms of communication, store cards are one area where i just don’t think it works, because you take for granted the fact that the consumer actually wants to remember what benefit you’re delivering. while staring at the cards i’d accumulated, i couldn’t think of a single benefit meaningful enough to stop me cutting up the cards.

discount movies? i don’t watch enough movies at the cinema to care. my movies come to me through the internet, through friends, through registered mail from the UK since i can’t be bothered to wait a whole year to watch what i want to watch.

the ability to return goods for cash? okay this one works. the woolworths card made it out whole.

points that contribute to flights? um, no thanks. i don’t desperately need to fly anywhere. plus you have to use this particular card as your everyday card in order for this to truly pay off. plus there’s a limit to how many points you can earn anyway, so that card got the chop.

being able to buy fast moving consumer goods (ie. crap) at particular stores on credit? i already have a credit card, a bank based one, which is admin enough to manage anyway so you’ll forgive me for seeing superfluous credit the same way i see men who flirt with you while you’re in a relationship, ie. it’s fun but essentially useless and a waste of time. oooh, 6 months interest free? okay, that’s a bonus. but again, if it’s taking me 6 months to pay off any kind of credit i’d say it’s time to think about your life, because unless you’re paying off some kind of emergency, you’re probably living in denial.

my exclusive books fanatics card made it through, because i buy on average 6 books a month and always get some sort of decent return. my vide e loyalty card got scrapped though, since i spend enough money there to have shares in the company and in my entire 2 years of having the card i have quite possibly only ever received one free coffee. and as for my levi’s card…i’ve just got some old post and it seems the card scheme closed in September 07. guess it didn’t really take off.

anyway, after having made a flower sculpture out of all the excess cards, i strolled into kenilworth medi clinic for a routine doctor’s appointment and saw this:

edcongroupcards

paying your medical bills with a shoe store card? talk about an incentive. big up to Edcon, who realise that if there’s one thing their consumers are likely to need on credit it’s medicine, since 2 out of every 3 people in this country is HIV positive.

garsh! we actually have a fashion industry. now who’s gonna invest in these guys?

i found this great resource for some young graduates from fedisa. some choice extracts:

fediasgrad1

fediasgrad2

fediasgrad3

fediasgrad4

fediasgrad5

fediasgrad6

fediasgrad7

fediasgrad8

fediasgrad9

found via ultimate sa online fashion resource ifashion.co.za