Category Archives: popculture

Psychographic profile: I am teh ghost of a dead blog

I am the ghost of a dead blog
booooo
did i scare u?
hope so. y’all woke me up from ‘the dreamless sleep’.
am pissed y’all. what do y’all think i died 4???
just want 2 die.
tired of bein ‘zany ‘n smart’.
is fun, but like, ‘u can’t be cool 4eva’ +
‘cool doesn’t pay da billz’ +
‘enjoy urself, take only what you need from it’
etc.
was kinda enjoying being dead.
is real peaceful.
no 1 to get all up in my facebook
no 3G here in hell


don’t hav 2 maintain ur personal brand (via being on fire all the time)
plus satan kinda keeeeeeeewl.
but now i went andgot all resurrected
by a reputable publication with a ‘niche-but-influential and educated readership’
(kinda wish it was heat magazine but whatevs)

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
boooOOOOOoooooo
gonna rattle my alexander mcqueen chain bags at u
keeping u up in the dark night of ur blog
feeling kinda vengeful
since when i was still alive
ppl were like, u r stupid
now i’m dead, ppl are like, u  were so like, clevs
“the blog artist’s value is only recognised posthumounguously”
isn’t it typical

“it’s like that, and that’s the way it is” – run dmc

don’t worry – not very vengeful. just l’il bit.
just gonna make ur light bulbs flicker some.
not gonna go polty on you. boooOOOOoo.

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
woke up coz i rolled in my grave
kinda just feel like we need to talk about ‘letting go’


did y’all get pissed at MJ when Thriller the song ends?
Do y’all get pissed when the movie u hired is finished?
stupid f-ing movie! u came to an end!

This is a meme joke. Do u get it?

did y’all get pissed at JK Rowling when she finished Harry Potter?
(ok so bad example. f-u JK. you got me hooked.)
NEwayz just trying to help you let go

This is a pooooOOOooetry joke. Do u get it?

boooOOOOOoooooooo

I am the ghost of a dead blog
was ‘summoned by the oujja board of journalistic truthful objective unbiased integritay’
never imagined dis blowgn thang would ‘get all intellectualised’
just wanted to be awesome y’ulz.
never dreamed my personal brand would have such ‘residual value attached to its key branding paradigm pillars of differentiation’.
kinda emotional about it.
(via wishing i was still dead)
there is only one feeling in hell (being burned)
sad, was just betterin my table tennis scores
was just getting 2 know satan (miss u bro. next time i see you PING PONG IS ON LIKE KING KONG!)

I am the ghost of a dead blog.
Gonna go ‘back 2 bed now’.
it was ‘nice chatting’.
off you go now to the new blog.
know that i am always with you.
am there in the new blog
though u cannot always see me.
if u look carefully, i am there.


am just ‘talking in a different accent’.
am just ‘trying on some new blogshoes’.
just ‘exploring a new personal sub-brand’.
da holding company stays da same. 4evs y’all. pinkie swear.

miss y’ulz.
love y’ulz.
h8 y’ulz.
ditto.


I just wanna be awesome y’ulz.

Y’ulz, I so bad wanna be awesome.
I just want ppl 2 look at me & think “wish I was that sisbro”.
Just want ppl 2 covet my Opel Corsa that now looks like a ‘real car’ (via all cars looking like the Peugot 206)
Just want ppl 2 look at my real leather hand / manbag and think ‘wow that’s a bro who srsly knows their quality shiz, must stop buying Mr Pricebro’
Just want ppl 2 know that I buy Country Road when they finger the thick seams & say “but who BUYS this stuff?!”
So bad just wanna be awesome.



Y’ulz, I so bad just wanna be awesome.
Gonna get super tight jeans that “cre8 a camel-toe ambience” & wear them in front of my chubby sister,
See how she likes ‘getting the brains in the family’ now
Gonna move into a house with “all my best guy friends” (via being a guys’-girl / the village indie bicycle)
Gonna sleep with them all (via parental divorce-issues), even though all of them have girlfriends, some of whom are my best friends forever y’all! (via going 2 film school 2 getha)
Gonna sleep with them all and ‘be besties & climb lions head on adventures!’ with them all
So bad just wanna be awesome y’all!



Y’ulz, I am fucking desperate 2 be awesome.
Gonna make peace signs while I do cheap coke off the toilets at Assembly while taking a self-portrait profile shot 4 my blog
Gonna wear empty-lensed paedo-glasses 2 ‘invoke the nerd look’ (via looking like a tard)
Gonna wear an Indian head-dress minus feathers 2 ‘give them something 2 talk about’ (via yawning) so my head looks like a phimosis-victim (via Google it)
Gonna take a non-paying job in a crap magazine that had street-cred in 1994 (via articles on drugs via back then ppl not knowing that drinking / taking drugs / being ‘reckless with your body’ makes you ‘lose ur looks’)
So fucking desperate 2 be awesome!
Y’ulz!



Y’ulz, basically, I would do anything 2 be awesome.
Gonna housesit my bestie’s house & ‘trash the place’ (how awesome? Bro…)
Gonna ‘get pregnant’ with my b/f’s babybro & then ‘lose the baby’ on a coke binge
So I can be “hot pregnant chick” minus “all that baby admin”
Y’ulz, gonna “turn down paying design jobs” 4 “jobs that are awesome” (via getting free entrance 2 clubs where the band whose flyer I designed is playing at)
Y’ulz, I’m gonna be awesome.
Can’t wait!
Y’alls!

I’ll mock it up, show u what I got

OMG y’ulz. Think I might just binge eat KFC 2 deal with the waves of extremely positive emotion washing over me right now.

Lady Gaga +  typeface = You can read my Neutra Face



Which faded international celebrity should i humiliate (via writing them into an ad?)

Ice ice... baby? More like grown man? Middle-aged dude? "Ice-Ice Middle-Aged dude." Has a ring 2 it.

A new trend is slippy sliding round the S-Africanland advertising ideas adoption curve y’ulz. Am HUGE proud of Ogilvy CT for starting it. Y’ulz are geniuses. This trend is called:

“Humiliate a faded international celeb via writing them into an ad”.


Loves it. Can’t wait 2 humiliate my own faded international celeb. Who d’yulz thanks it should be?

Stephanie "I did meth to cope with the lameness of Full House" Tanner?

Stephanie "I did meth to cope with the lameness of Full House" Tanner?

Miyam Balik aka Blossom? She'd be gr8 in an ad 4 'how rad it is 2 be jewish' (via her degree in neuroscience, Hebrew & Jewish studies)

Think Bob Sagett would be great in a zany ad that is a montage of ppl tripping over vacuum cords advertising a new cordless vacuumer. What u think?

Which faded international celeb would y’ulz like 2 see humiliated?

***UPDATE**** Quick fact-correction here, Jupiter actually started this trend (via Louis Gosset Jnr Snr Mr bro). Sorry y’als, 4got about that. Am HUGE proud of y’ulz for  starting this trend. Y’uls are what legends R made of. Y’ulz can watch one of The First Humiliations (there were 5 involving this faded celeb – they went all out) here:


****EVEN FURTHER UPDATE****

A very good-looking and smart and amazingly awesome hot bro just informed me that ACTUALLY, Jupies didn’t invent this trend. Whomever does the advertising for Silver Sands Casino and humiliated faded Swedish ‘star’ Dolph Lundgren via writing him into their advertising invented this trend. Does anyone know what agency does Silversands? Does anyone know who the un-named genius is? Don’t worry Ogilvy / Jupies – y’alls are still early adopters for ‘copying it before the masses copy it’. Still respect / love y’all.

Pls pay me $$$ so I can get health insurance. Kinda 'spent all my cash' when I was young + stupid. Thanks y'all.

am i over ‘being creative’?

hey y’ulz. have you ever felt like ‘being creative is not emotionally profitable’? am having one of those days. kind of feel like being creative is ‘highly overrated’ and that i would probz be happier if i was ‘just rich’. feel like if i ran myself like a business i’d have retrenched the EMOTIONS and the CREATIVE depts a long time ago due lack of costs recovered. in order to help make up my mind have done a list of pros & cons:

what life is like as a creative:

Cant separate my emotions from my work yulz :(

Can't separate my emotions from my work y'ulz 😦

– u are filled with ’emotions’ that make you ‘attached 2 ur work’ (i.e. when ppl fuck up your work you cry. a lot. sometimes u have sex with strangers 2 make it better).

– u are dependent on ppl who ‘get you’ for food (srsly – if no one ‘gets u’ you have to do drastic shit like ‘cut off your ear’ or ‘start a blog’ or ‘be in client service’)

Who am I? TELL ME.

Who am I? TELL ME.

– u have people telling you what to do / that you have ‘crossed the line’ / that you need to make our work ‘more accessible’ / what you are not allowed to do (be awesome)

I hate the man. I am the man. I hate the man.

I hate the man. I am the man. I hate the man.

– u have great style but no money to by great clothes 2 reflect your style

– ppl at Caprice think u are weird (h8 you coz you are ‘different’)

Hey can you lend me R50 for a taxi home? My money fell out of my home-made wallet i bought off etsy - soz.

Hey can you lend me R50 for a taxi home? My money fell out of my home-made wallet i bought off etsy - soz.

– the bank (Standard Bank) won’t insure you against retrenchment

– ur kids will be obese because of their anger at your substance abuse problem.

My mom is amazing. I love and respect her. Hey you wanna get McDs?

My mom is amazing. I love and respect her. Hey you wanna get McD's?

what life is like when u are RICH:

nobody argues with u even if you are an obese kid who has crossed the line

My mom is my role model.

My mom is my role model.

– nobody tells u what 2 do because you can ‘buy and sell them’

Go on. Fire me.

Go on. Fire me.

– if you cry you can pay for an operation that stops your tearducts working & pills that will stop u from feeling (via ‘therapy’)

– u can force yourself on ppl & even if you are a douche they will like u anyway because you buy them patron at Caprice which u own

– u have no style but ppl copy u anyways because ‘you are rich & obviously right’

– your bank sends you Charlie’s cake on ur birthday & grants u a lipo loan all in same day

– everything is totally awesome

Loves it!

Loves it!

you can do whatever you want all the time

NOT a creative.

NOT a creative.

What do y’ulz think? Has ‘being a creative’ dated badly? Are creatives ‘the new bottom feeders’? Should I do nightcourses in accounting & ‘finally have some form of control over my life’? Is ‘being rich’ the true definition of creativity (via being able to do whatever you want whenever you want)? Have some srs thinking to do.


Close encounters with the TBG while brainstorming

See kids? THIS is what can happen if you get into advertising. You work late nights without being paid overtime. You present endless options on ideas, and they all get bombed for whatever reason. You get harangued for being on the internet ‘when you should be working’. You mooch around Wembley Square for hours on end, “brainstorming”.  And then the TBG walks in, and makes it all worthwhile.

And suddenly everything is wonderful.

And suddenly everything is wonderful.

Read more about similarly inspiring encounters with TBG here.

What I’ve been working on.

I’ve had a few complaints in the last week that I’m not updating enough. Well, I’ve been busy with some very important work. Like such:

Taking advantage of the first beach-friendly days of the season.

Getting out my short-shorts and working out how to use my fish-eye lens with my iPhone.

Watching my boyfriend play with his dog.

Finding the right shade of red lipstick for my complexion.

Ambushing friends’ birthday photos with peace signs.

Taking photos of friends while they are mid-sentence.

Making my friends wear this gimmicky bird-purse on their arms.


And now you know. So quit whingeing and understand that some people have to work for a living, and that we are not all living the holiday.